So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
