Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize