i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
