her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
