literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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