Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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