my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
