Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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