well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
