I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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