tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
