So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize