It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
