ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
