I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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