Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
