Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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