is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
