Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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