She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need water and some morals
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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