drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize