stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
