What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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