when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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