so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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