if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
