If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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