I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
