how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
