i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
