you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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