If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize