ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
