Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
