made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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