who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
