WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
