You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
