and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
