i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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