She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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