It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize