I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
