we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
did you just send me my own nude
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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