He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
