Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
