My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
