i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
