I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
