I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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