yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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