i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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