Come see our sink grown plant.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
