Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize