i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
