I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
