I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
