every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just google imaged poop.
someone owes me an orgasm
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
