i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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