she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
