my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
