I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
