So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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