don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize