chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
