I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish you could order shots online.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
