Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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