I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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