I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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