I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
