i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
