The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
