yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
