i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
