new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
