How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
