If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
