My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
