you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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