why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
