Just fell off a train. Bad.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
