I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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