Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I believe in your delicious
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
