oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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