If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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