Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
