Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
