He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
