coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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