twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
