So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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