Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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