Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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