we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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