this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
