I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
