guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
