I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
