ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
