I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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