this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
