I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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