i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
