I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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