did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
